the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Come on in and take your pants off
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