Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
