i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
