I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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