i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
