i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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