If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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