oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
time to smoke my breakfast
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
