all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
