Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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