yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize