"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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