He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
