You're completely useless in the revolution.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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