i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
