Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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