she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
