Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
