just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
