i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
