One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
