we're chasing vodka with high fives
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
