She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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