After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
