I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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