Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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