I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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