That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
