My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
