we have officially lost it.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
