consequently i now know what mace tastes like
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
