Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
