Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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