my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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