We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's blow job season.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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