it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
