so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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