Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
