if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
