It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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