How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
