Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize