why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
