Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
