You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
