so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
