So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
