Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
