You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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