You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
