I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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