He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
