I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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