Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
