She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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