yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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