one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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