So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
