Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Alive.
So much puke
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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