Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
