its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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