no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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