Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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