there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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