They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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