I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
