There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Also, beer. Big fan.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
