If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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