On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
