Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
